Sunday, November 14, 2010

"When I was abandoned, ... "

Today marks the one year anniversary of my husband walking away.  The news, delivered over the phone shortly after I arrived at work, was unexpected and began an odyssey through pain, disbelief, questioning reality, my worth and the meaning of love.  It was one of those, thankfully few, moments when you realize your life has just been dramatically altered from what it was just a breath before.
In a recent conversation with a friend, I referred to this transition as ‘when my marriage ended.’  My friend commented on what she described as ‘my interesting choice of words.’  She said it would it be more appropriate to say ‘when I was abandoned.’  After pausing, I realized her comment validated the significance of my experience.  My marriage did end and I continue to learn and understand the role I played in that ending, months, even years, before it began.  Yet, it is important to acknowledge the circumstances and the impact, if only for a moment, as part of the healing process.

 My husband truly adored me.  I have no doubt.  I felt so unconditionally loved; I naively allowed my self-worth to depend on this as a primary source of nourishment.  When it was ripped from me without warning, it felt as though my soul left and I was hollow.  There was a complete and total loss of the man I knew and someone I didn’t recognize was in his place.  I was grieving the death of someone I loved, yet the person was still alive.
So, I start this blog on the anniversary of this traumatizing event, to share my path to healing and forgiveness, to share laughter and pain and most importantly to offer hope to anyone remembering or facing unparalleled pain.  What I am able to write today was unimaginable and not possible during the earlier stages of the grieving process.  By allowing myself to embrace the anguish, hours of crying, anger, regret, and blame I was able to transition into peace, forgiveness and appreciation for the love that was real.
(To respect ‘his’ privacy, I will leave out additional details and refer only to my perception.)


  1. He sounds like a jerk. Stay strong.

  2. Oh my. Having received the news over the phone is really harsh and just plain heartless. I think the most decent thing to do would be to talk it out first as a couple so that both of you know where you both are in the relationship. I think besides the emotional battle, the legal issues also surfaced, huh? But you know what, after all of these, you'll realize you got through it stronger, and hopefully, better.

    Christine Bradley