Saturday, February 25, 2012

NewMe v.2012 has been installed successfully

I know this seems like a total ego shot. It is fun to post a picture when you feel good about the way you look. But, what is most important about this picture is the way I feel.
At the end of 20069, my second husband called me at 8:15 on a Monday morning shortly after I arrived at work. He said he was leaving. There had been no prior discussion of our marriage being in trouble and it was just 5 weeks after he became an American citizen.
I spent 2010 crying in denial, trying to believe all the times he said he loved me it was real. By the end of the year, I was able to reframe the milestones of our relationship and could see, from the moment we met, if someone was going to be scammed with love, this was an example of what it could look like.
I spent 2011 pulling myself out of depression, slowly rebuilding my feelings of self worth and confidence. My bedroom was a cluttered mess with dust balls in the corners. I was tired more than I was energized and I didn’t care very much about the way I looked.
Today, I appreciate how amazing I am. I don’t mean to boast or brag. There is nothing different about me than anyone else. I just learned to open my eyes and believe. I learned to listen to the people who love me. I listened to positive characteristics which were reflected back to me. I committed myself to honor the part of me that sees the good in people. I am not going to be prosecuting attorney collecting evidence on how people shouldn’t be trusted. I am not going to close myself off to being in a relationship again. Yet, would anyone fault me for being bitter or for not trusting people?
Don’t say “Annie, you are amazing.” Instead say and KNOW you are amazing and have the ability to overcome any challenge.
I still have some healing to do. Though my room is clean, I sometimes cringe and growl at the thought or mention of a certain country. I smile and laugh at myself and know it will eventually pass.
Install NewMe v.2012
~~ Believe in Love ~~ See the beauty in people ~~ Appreciate the magic in everyday happenings ~ Take time for prayer, meditation, journaling or silence ~
YOU are amazing

Saturday, February 11, 2012


Every February we celebrate Valentine’s Day; we focus our attention on who we cherish and who cherishes us. We seem to measure it in flowers, chocolates, beautifully written cards, romantic dinners and getaways. For anyone without a special partner, it can be a sad hollow day, making a valid case for not having love in our lives. We measure our worthiness of affection with a check list. If any of the requirements are missing we can feel deprived, resentful and sorry for ourselves.
When we look to material things to determine our value, we don’t see the all encompassing worth and love that each of us possess. Love is not missing in anyone’s life. We are just looking in the wrong direction.
Hurt and fear know their job very well. They put obstacles in our path and will never stop trying to divert our attention even when we do see past them.
When we allow ourselves to see the pure innocence in everyone in our lives, we experience perfect peace. We may not be able to hold onto this thinking for very long, but if we memorize what it feels like, when we feel down ~ empty ~ unlovable ~ deprived of magic ~ we can exchange those feelings with belief ~ understanding ~ compassion ~ and forgiveness. Remember you can get back. The more you bring yourself to perfect peace, the easier it becomes.
Why is it so important to forgive those who have hurt and betrayed us? Why do we need to see them as innocent at their core? Because when we do not allow others the right to make their own painful choices, even cruel intentioned choices that have hurt us very deeply, we will not, absolutely will not, be able to see the innocence in ourselves. We will not be able to feel the peace and love that are ours.

Take your eyes off of the checklist and look in the direction of real love.

Is this easy? No, it is difficult to coax ourselves out of mistaken beliefs. What can we do? We can look to books, meditation, prayer and friends who also believe this for guidance, support and encouragement.

Whether you have a special someone or not, take your eyes off of the checklist and gaze in another direction. You will see a ~ beautiful ~ loveable ~worthy ~ person and you will feel the magic of the day we honor love.

My wish for me and for you this Valentine’s Day
~~ Eyes that see Magic ~~